Not signed in (Sign In)

LiveSearch


‹ Familyman Home

Vanilla 1.1.4 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

Welcome
Welcome, Dad, to the Familyman Forum, designed to let dads interact, ask questions, and offer advice. Want to take part in these discussions? If you have an account, sign in now. If you don't have an account, apply for one now and get instant access to the forum.

Prayer Requests: Separated for Eight Months

Bottom of Page

1 to 50 of 68

  1. <
  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. >
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeDec 28th 2008
     
    Guys, I need prayer. My wife and I have been separated for eight months (9 months come 14 January) with no end in sight. She is waiting to hear from God about when I can come home. Without going into the whole saga, I deserved to be kicked out of the house. I have verbally abused her and our three kids for most of our marriage (20 years last June). I have done a LOT of praying and studying about pride and anger as well as learning to hear her heart. Though we have been in counseling together since September, she still lives in fear of me (my perception - I could be wrong). I keep asking God why I am still out of the house. I keep asking Him why there seems to be a mountain between my wife and I. Our counselor says we are close to reconciling, but he said that 3 months ago, too. I am asking God to do something extraordinary - don't know what that might be, but I need Him to do something, anything. Please cover me. There are literally hundreds of people praying for us daily. I don't know why God chooses not to act. I have asked Him if there is anything more I need to do or become for our situation to change. I get no answers. I feel a lot like Job right now. Help.
    • CommentAuthorsolafide
    • CommentTimeDec 28th 2008
     
    Shadowdog,

    My prayers go out to you. I'm not a counselor but by you recognizing and accepting of what you did wrong seem great steps to take to healing your marriage. I would say God is acting even if you cannot see it - maybe it's just having you wait to see how you'll handle it.

    --solafide
    •  
      CommentAuthorTribeDad
    • CommentTimeDec 28th 2008 edited
     
    Shadowdog,
    20 years of lording, controlling, anger, intimidation, etc (all works of the flesh..see Galatians 5) is a lot to get over. Whether it takes 9 months or 9 years, your quest isn't to get back in your house >>> Your quest must be to learn to walk by the spirit of God instead of the lust of your flesh.

    God promises to heal and deliver those who call out to Him with sincerity of heart, but Hebrews 6:12 says that we inherit God's promises through faith and PATIENCE. Your impatience to get back in your house is just another work of the flesh.

    Throw out everything that you've been taught about living the Christian life (bcs it's obviously not discipled you in godly living by the life of Christ), and begin anew with a broken and humble heart; asking God to change you into the man your family needs you to be.

    God knows what a mess you've created, and rather than condemning you, He lovingly and understandingly beckons you to come to Him and ask Him to forgive you and seek His help to clean it up. You can't do it without Him, but you need to press into Him more than you are currently. (Read about the miracles Jesus did...His grace flowed to those who were DETERMINED to press into Him until His power flowed...woman with the issue of blood and blind Bartimaeus, for example).

    Praying for you.
    • CommentAuthorspilo
    • CommentTimeDec 29th 2008
     
    Shadowdog,

    I can't agree with TD more in regard to your purpose not being to get back home. Your purpose is to change your heart to be more like Christ, and the reason is because He loves you. Remember that we love God because He first loved us. We don't do it because we want to behave better, but because we long for Him.

    I will certainly pray that you learn what it is God desires of you right now. Don't give up, no matter what.
  5.  
    Shadowdog,

    I've prayed for you & offer my encouragement. We have friends who divorced. It's been a couple of years & they've been counseling with our pastor, & are finally reconciling & talking of remarriage. There are still issues, but they are working to overcome them.

    One thing I learned about behavior & attitudes is they are learned & must be unlearned. Anger, verbal abuse, ignoring others & such are things most of us saw as we were growing up & became ingrained in us as normal & acceptable. Obviously these are contrary to God's Word & change must occur.

    I struggled for years with angry outbursts & in an effort to get past that went totally the opposite way & would clam up. The anger was still being manifested, just differently. Not a Christian way to act, huh? It's been a long hard road to get past that & I still fail, but not nearly as much as I did. I learned to express anger that way simply by being in the same house as my dad. It's the same with our other sins. I had a foul mouth for a long time - learned this from my folks. I would go drinking with friends, spend Friday & Saturday nights boozing it up & Sundays just trying to recover. Learned it from my dad. I have a sister who would drink & smoke when she was drinking, learned it from mom. Both quit, thankfully. Point is, it was all learned behavior. I don't know your background, but maybe in looking back over your life you can see where the actions of those of influence taught you to learn unacceptable behavior.

    The good thing is we can change, we can 'unlearn' those behaviors. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." Your attitudes, behavior & heart are new, the old things that held you to sin no longer have to rule over you. Is it easy? No (at least not for me) but it certainly has been worth it.

    Remember too, these passages for encouragement.

    Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

    1 Corinthians 6:9-11 "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God."

    Focus on the good things, immerse yourself in God's Word. Find passages that speak to what you are dealing with, make notecards to turn to throughout the day, learn them & ultimately write them on your heart. During this time that God is using to change you, continually pray for change for yourself & for your wife & family. See in 1 Corinthians the bad traits being mentioned were part of what some of the Christians in Corinth were. Notice the past tense. But there was change & it came about because of Jesus Christ. He's available to us, to mold us, to make us in His image, to cleanse us & help us past the ungodly aspects of our lives. His power is available to us in the Holy Spirit. Grab on to that & know that you have a lively hope because of this. God seems to do His biggest work in us when we are at our lowest & most broken. His strength is indeed made evident in our weakness.

    I wrote earlier about some of my struggles & traits I had to unlearn & change. It wasn't possible without two things - giving my life to Christ & receiving Him as not only my Savior, but Lord of my life. I had to turn me over to Him. The second was good Christian brothers who I spent time with, who modeled proper Christian behavior as a husband & father to me. When I have found myself slipping, it is because I have ceased to spend time with God in His Word & in prayer, & when I have withdrawn from my brothers in Christ.

    In addition to the counseling the two of you do together, I encourage you to study on your own, find good Christian brothers you can meet with, even if it's just one, to help keep you on track, & maybe have your own personal counseling with your pastor. Pray constantly to be the man/father/husband you need to be. We often recommend books to each other on this site, may I recommend to you Point Man, Standing Tall, Man of Steel and other Steve Farrar books? Begin with Point Man. Steve does men's ministries. It's his focus, & he hits me on the head every time I read his stuff.

    Anyway, I've rambled a lot & hopefully there might be a nugget here for you. My heart aches for you & your situation & I'll continue to lift you in prayer. May our God bless you & heal your family.
    • CommentAuthorDad2-4
    • CommentTimeJan 1st 2009
     
    Shadowdog,

    First of all, I am praying for you, your wife and your family. God's healing in Christ can do wondrous things, and prayer is a great thing to ask for.

    I agree with the advice that the men here have given, but would like to go in a different direction with my comments. Remember that, as noted above, God first and foremost does desire your healing and faith in Christ, however I believe He also desires the healing of the one-flesh union of you and your wife (by this I mean far more than the physical act that we often associate it with, but a full and loving and safe life together). It appears that you desire this too and it is good.

    I would suggest that first and foremost you thank God for your wife. If what you have shared is true, and I can't imagine it not being, then you should be very thankful that she is seeking counseling and hopefully full reconciliation with you. This is a very good thing. In this, pray for her daily, and if possible multiple times a day. Pray thanking God for her, for her willingness to try to work things out, and for all of her good qualities. Pray also for God's healing for her. It sounds like there are a lot of wounds.

    The other thing I advise in this is patience. Yes, God can and sometimes does heal miraculously, however, most of the time He works through regular means. Consider physical healing, most of it comes in a hospital and if it is serious, with a very long, slow and sometimes painful recovery. The same is most certainly true of emotional healing.

    Trust is something that has to be built slowly, and rebuilt even more slowly. If she has endured 20 years of hurt from you, it will take some time for her to trust you again. Assuming that you have, through the grace of God, changed it will still take time for her to see and believe it.

    Likewise, you need to do the same towards your children. They also need to be reconciled to you and to be able to trust you as well. This might even be part of your wife's concern. She might be worried about protecting your children from you.

    In the end, the best advice is to cling to Christ, ask to be conformed to Him, and focus not on what you want and need, but what your wife and children want and need.

    May God grant you His grace, healing and strength.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCRBMoA
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2009
     
    Shadowdog,

    Do you have any updates for us?
    • CommentAuthorcarl
    • CommentTimeJan 15th 2009
     
    Wait…
    Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
    Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
    I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
    And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait".
    "Wait? You say, wait! " my indignant reply.
    "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
    Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
    By faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.
    My future and all to which I can relate
    Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?
    I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
    Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
    And Lord, You promised that if we believe
    We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
    And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
    I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!
    Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
    As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
    So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
    And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting.... for what?"
    He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
    And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
    I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
    I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
    All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
    You would have what you want - But you wouldn't know Me.
    You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
    You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
    You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
    You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
    You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
    When darkness and silence were all you could see.
    You'd never experience that fullness of love
    As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
    You'd know that I give and I save.... (for a start),
    But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
    The glow of My comfort late into the night,
    The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
    The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
    Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.
    You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
    What it means that "My grace is sufficient for Thee."
    Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
    But, Oh, the loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
    So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
    That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
    And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
    My most precious answer of all is still, "WAIT."
    •  
      CommentAuthorTribeDad
    • CommentTimeJan 19th 2009
     
    AMEN CARL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Did you write that?
    • CommentAuthordaddy_buse
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2009
     
    Shadowdog,

    Have you seen "Fireproof" yet? Awesome movie and you need to buy "The Love Dare" book. I am very fortunate that I am happily married (my second marriage, the first one didn't work) but I can see the premise of the movie working for any couple. It all comes down to unconditional love, sacrifice and hard work. Check it out and good luck. Be patient and know that God has a plan for you and your marriage.
    • CommentAuthorAUtgr4lfe
    • CommentTimeJan 29th 2009
     
    Shadowdog,
    I was in your boat in the spring of 2007. My wife and I had totatly drifted away from God in different directions. After, only 6 weeks of separation, I don't think I could have taken any more, we went to Family Dynamics seminar in Nashville. It completely changed us, centering our focus back on God and each other. My wife and I will be praying for you and your wife. There are lots of resources at www.familydynamics.net . It is a long and difficult to navigate, and can only be done with a God GPS. Stay FOCUSED. Work on your relationship with God and trust in Him.
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th 2009
     
    Hi Guys,
    Thanks for all the replies. My situation hasn't changed, but my attitude has. It will be 10 months come next Saturday (Valentine's Day - how ironic). Thanks for the great poem, Carl. Shortly after I wrote my post I was reading My Utmost for His Highest for January 1st. It reads as follows:

    "Whether it means life or death-it makes no difference!" (see Philippians 1:21). Paul was determined that nothing would stop him from doing exactly what God wanted. But before we choose to follow God's will, a crisis must develop in our lives. This happens because we tend to be unresponsive to God's gentler nudges. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate. He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide - for or against. That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives. If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably.

    January 2nd's devotional captured my attention with these words, "Have you been asking God what he is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what he is going to do - He reveals to you who He is."

    Since then I have chosen to surrender and stop asking why - well, most of the time. Pressing into my relationship with God and especially developing intimacy with Jesus has been key.

    All of your comments have been reinforcement for what our counselor has been helping us build.

    Jesus gave me something today as I was praying:

    Sacrifice. Victory.

    These are what I have done for you.

    Faith. Trust. Hope. Endurance. Patience. Courage. Peace.

    These are what I offer you.

    Do you believe? Believe in Me and you will be saved - that is My promise. Forever. Saved from pride. Saved from confusion. Saved from hopelessness. Saved from y o u r s e l f. Believe. Trust Me. I make all things new. Believe. Surrender.

    All that to say that Jesus is bringing Linda and I closer together in a new and different way. Our counselor says we are very close to coming together again. I pray that it will be soon, but not before I learn what I need to learn out of this trial. Please continue to pray. Thanks!
    • CommentAuthorspilo
    • CommentTimeFeb 6th 2009
     
    AMEN dude!

    Amazingly, those same 2 devotions spoke to me in my struggles with my brother, and offered much encouragement as well.

    I think your thoughts and feelings are on the right track, and praise Him to see it. Thank you for the update. Praise God for the testimony He is crafting in you.
    • CommentAuthorDad2-4
    • CommentTimeFeb 6th 2009
     
    Shadowdog,

    Praise God for His grace! Thanks for the update, you, your wife and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers.

    Thanks also for those words, as they have helped me in my own struggles. My situation is very different from yours, but I also am waiting for God to act and am sometimes getting frustrated, yet He is drawing me closer to Him and this is a very good thing.

    My guess is that God is crafting a work in you that is better than you can imagine, so cling to Him and continue to hang in there.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCRBMoA
    • CommentTimeFeb 6th 2009
     
    Shadowdog,

    That is an awesome testimony. Print it out, and save it for yourself in a journal.

    Someday, when you and Linda are recovering together, and you get discouraged, pull it out and read it to yourself.

    Our faith is increased by the power of our testimony.

    You have been, and are still in our prayers!

    CRBMoA
    • CommentAuthorblsdw8
    • CommentTimeFeb 7th 2009
     
    Praise God Shadow Dog. Keep on with Jesus and all else will fall into place. I am praying for you brother
    • CommentAuthorDevo
    • CommentTimeFeb 8th 2009
     
    Shadowdog,
    I am a bit new to the site, and I don't have much advice to say for what to do, being I have only been married for over two years, but I was a 15 when my parents split up after being married for 20 years. My dad was cheating on my mom and they were never able to work things out. In my eyes I sided with my mom because it looked like my dad gave up, I am not sure if I saw things clearly back then or not, but it took me over 13 years before I could really talk to my dad or even acknowledge his new family. I am still reserved around them, but I am starting to open up more and more. But you have one large step ahead of my dad he is not a Christian. So my advice is never give up, keep on in Gods word and prayer. I'm praying for you and your family.

    Devo
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeOct 1st 2009
     
    Not sure if any of you are still following this thread, but I came home two weeks ago today. There are still things we need to work out, but at least we are under the same roof. Thank you for your prayers and support.
    •  
      CommentAuthorTodd
    • CommentTimeOct 2nd 2009
     
    Keep loving your bride, take your punches, and we'll keep praying.

    You can do it!
    Todd
    • CommentAuthorspilo
    • CommentTimeOct 2nd 2009
     
    Woo hoo! Praise God!

    Shadowdog, I pray that the things you learned while away will stick with you, and you will continue to walk with God in humility, understanding, wisdom, and grace!
    •  
      CommentAuthorCRBMoA
    • CommentTimeOct 2nd 2009
     
    Posted By: shadowdogNot sure if any of you are still following this thread, but I came home two weeks ago today. There are still things we need to work out, but at least we are under the same roof. Thank you for your prayers and support.


    AWESOME!!!!!

    Yes, we are following this thread.

    The Steadfast Love of The Lord NEVER Ceases, His Mercies NEVER Come to an End. They are New EVERY Morning, and Great is His Faithfulness!

    Keep Fighting the Good Fight. God Can and Will do Marvelous things when a Man of God takes his Rightful Place in the Home.

    I am praying for you and your family.

    We should all find inspiration in this.

    CRBMoA
    •  
      CommentAuthorTribeDad
    • CommentTimeOct 2nd 2009
     
    Praise the Lord! Love never fails! Way to go, bro!
  23.  
    You've had a lot of prayer on this thread and I believe God has heard those and is working toward full re-establishment of your relationship. Praise God for what He has done in both of you. Keep on working and may our Lord continue to bless you and aid you both. I've prayed for you both and will remember you in my prayers.

    Lord Bless, and congrats
    • CommentAuthordjlemley
    • CommentTimeOct 3rd 2009
     
    Brother, I have been praying for you, just didn't post before. I'm excited to hear that God is bringing about restoration.
    "And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again." Philippians 1:6 NLT
    • CommentAuthorBobh62
    • CommentTimeOct 5th 2009
     
    God is so good!! So glad you're home where you belong. We will continue praying for you, our brother and for your family as you continue working towards complete reconciliation. May God restore in both of you the love that He intended for your marriage. Keep your eyes on Jesus, my brother!
    • CommentAuthorDad2-4
    • CommentTimeOct 6th 2009
     
    Thanks be to God for His mercy! This is great news and truly an answer to prayers. That said, we will still be praying for you and your family that God might fully heal the relationships.
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeOct 15th 2009
     
    Guys - the Enemy keeps trying to destroy my marriage. We had a horrible counseling session a few days ago. The Enemy knows just where to attack and he did so with a vengance. Please pray for my wife. She is in so much emotional pain. Pray for me that I will honor the boundaries she has set for me and do it out of love and not fear of screwing up. Pray that I would remain humble and to have a servant's heart. Pray that Jesus would redeem and protect our kid's hearts. They must be confused with all of this. I know I would be.
    • CommentAuthordjlemley
    • CommentTimeOct 15th 2009
     
    I haven't stopped praying for you brother!
  29.  
    Shadowdog,

    I posted the majority of this comment yesterday as a response to another thread, but it seems to be appropriate to your circumstances as well. Go to God in humility, and on your face, ask Him to lead you in loving your wife. Even when it seems hope is lost, the stone is rolled away and love is resurrected.

    I would encourage you to find and attend a Weekend to Remember marriage conference ASAP. The conferences are hosted by FamilyLife ministries, and they are a part of Campus Crusade for Christ. The conferences started years ago as staff retreats and now there are more than 130 each year nationwide. FamilyLife's co-founders are Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Dennis is the co-host of FamilyLife Today with Bob Lepine. Let me know where you live and I can help you find a conference near you. Here is a little of our testimony:

    On September 21, 2005, our 14th wedding anniversary, my wife Sherry and I divorced. It was what I thought was he end of the road for us; but it was really just the beginning. Three days after our divorce, at rock bottom, I accepted Christ. God took my pain, burdens, and addictions to alcohol and prescription drugs from me and revealed a world I had never imagined. Over the next weeks and months, Sherry and I started on the path of reconciliation, and in November at a Weekend to Remember marriage conference in Philadelphia, we learned how we had both been responsible for the destruction of our marriage. We were given the tools and knowledge so that we could live with God at the center of our lives and marriage, and in May of 2007, we were remarried. God gets all the glory, and we give thanks to Him everyday for putting that Weekend to Remember conference in our path. Go to www.familylife.com to find a conference!

    Shadowdog, do you believe that God sent His Son here to die for us and for our sins, and three days later, that He was resurrected? That very same power and love can be used to resurrect your marriage. I encourage you to continue to love your wife the way that God instructs through Paul:

    Ephesians 5:25-33 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

    I would also suggest that you find a Paul in your life. Or several of them if you can. Surround yourself with SMOG's (Strong Men of God). You need to be supported and held fast to the course that God has laid before you. Strong men of faith will come alongside you and help you with the difficult and sometimes painful daily decisions you must make.

    We are praying for you, for your protection, for your humility before the Lord, and for His strength to carry you through this valley. A wise man once told me that the great thing about valleys is that there are mountaintops on either side. We are shouting GLORY for the mountaintops, and for the day you and your wife stand on top of them together.

    Grace & Peace
    joshua2415sj3
    •  
      CommentAuthorTribeDad
    • CommentTimeOct 16th 2009
     
    Still praying for you & yours SD...
    •  
      CommentAuthorCRBMoA
    • CommentTimeOct 16th 2009
     
    SD,

    We are still here, still praying.

    And The Lord of Heaven and Earth, The Giver of Every Good and Perfect Gift, is still on your side!

    Keep pressing on, Brother!

    CRBMoA
    • CommentAuthorspilo
    • CommentTimeOct 16th 2009
     
    still praying
  33.  
    Praying for you.
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeNov 2nd 2009
     
    I so appreciate your prayers. Keep it up! Linda and I are in a holding pattern right now. Actually, it feels more like just plain ol' stuck. Please pray that God would break through and pull us out of the mud and SOON!
    •  
      CommentAuthorCRBMoA
    • CommentTimeNov 2nd 2009
     
    Endeavor to Persevere!

    We haven't stopped praying, God hasn't stopped being God!

    Keep pressing on, Friend!
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2010
     
    Guys, please keep praying. Linda and I are at a standstill. I'm still home, but it feels like we are drifting even further apart with each week that passes. We attempted to go to counseling together in early February, but that only lasted for two sessions. She says she doesn't feel safe. There's a lot of fear in her heart. Please pray that God will give her a spirit of love and a sound mind. Fear does not come from God, so the only other source is the enemy. Pray that Satan and his demons would be defeated in any attempt to hurt Linda's heart more. His mission is to steal, kill and destroy, but my mission is to fight for her and I have God on my side!
    •  
      CommentAuthorTodd
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2010
     
    Don't grow weary....easy to say, hard to do.

    I'm praying.
    Todd
    •  
      CommentAuthorTribeDad
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2010
     
    Father, we continue to cry out for SD, his marriage, and family. Please pull down the strongholds of the enemy with the Light of your Truth, a richer & deeper revelation of the glory of your Son, Jesus Christ. Please help Mrs. SD to forgive, let go, and trust, love, & hope again.

    Please continue to encourage and build up SD to fight with the mightiest weapon of all, Love.
    • CommentAuthorBobh62
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2010
     
    SD,

    Remember, 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. Cling to that verse for your wife, keep praying and remember that we are praying for you all.

    Blessings, brother!
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2010
     
    Guys,
    Thanks for battling with me. Shortly after I posted the latest update I got an email (I really hate email for relationship stuff) from Linda telling me that she and the kids won't be attending our church anymore. She wants to find a different church with the goal of gaining emotional health. The enemy is hard at work trying to split us even further. I am praying a very difficult prayer for her. I am praying that God would break her heart much as He has broken mine - and healed it. Does that sound too harsh? I don't want to hurt her.
    •  
      CommentAuthorTribeDad
    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2010
     
    Hi SD - I'd encourage you to pray blessings upon your wife.

    Your post reveals a lack of confidence in whether you should pray something corrective for your wife, which [to me] reveals that it may not be a prayer that God has placed in your heart to be praying for her.

    You cannot go wrong with praying that He will bless her, bcs His wisdom will load the blessing with everything that is best for her, including correction if/when needed.
    • CommentAuthordjlemley
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2010
     
    continuing to pray for you.

    A side note, when I was going through a rocky time in my wife, I felt led to pray against certain specific spirits. Don't know if that helps or not...
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeMar 18th 2010
     
    djlemley

    Thanks for that suggestion. I have been praying against a spirit of fear. It is so evident, except to my wife. I am also starting to pray blessings over her - speaking words of life instead of death (thanks TribeDad). Before this all happened almost two years ago, prayer was a chore. Now it has become a two way conversation between intimate friends. I long for the day when my wife and I can pray on that level.
    • CommentAuthorNANDAD
    • CommentTimeMar 26th 2010
     
    SD,
    praying for you and your family. Although my wife and I were not separated for nearly the length of time that you and yours was prior to this attempt at reconciliation, I do know the pain and confusion that you are feeling. I am weary to give advice in a setting such as this so I will give you my word that you and yours are in my prayers that God will heal your heart and your wife's so that the 2 of you may use this time as a testimony for His glory in the future. Blessings.
    • CommentAuthorshadowdog
    • CommentTimeApr 28th 2010
     
    Guys - things have gone from bad to worse. There is talk of divorce. I find it hard to breathe sometimes. It's hard to keep walking this very difficult road. I think she has already divorced me emotionally. We talked for two hours the other day, but it was mostly about what I still needed to do to salvage the relationship. She still feels unsafe and emotionally abused. We haven't been to counseling together since mid-February. I feel a ton of pressure relationally and financially. We are in debt up to our ears. I'm still in the basement with no end of that in sight. I am going to see a counselor on my own to see if our marriage can still be saved. There is precedent for it so I want to try. She told me that I need to figure out how to make her feel cared for and loved, but said I have to figure it out on my own. Ideas? I am not giving up. God has redeemed my heart. I am not the same person I was two years ago. Maybe its too little, too late for her, though.
    • CommentAuthorspilo
    • CommentTimeApr 28th 2010
     
    With God, it is indeed never too late.

    Seeking wisdom from scripture, and from a Godly man you trust can also help, which can include a counselor.

    I pray you are able to continue to die to yourself in Christ and let Him work through you.
    •  
      CommentAuthorTribeDad
    • CommentTimeApr 28th 2010
     
    Remember, you walk by faith, not by sight.

    Even though it "feels" over, and "looks" dead...JESUS is alive and well, and nothing is impossible for Him.

    Keep believing in Him for deliverance, and doing your part (which is just the best you can...nothing more, nothing less...but DON'T walk away or give up).

    Praying for you and yours.
    • CommentAuthordjlemley
    • CommentTimeApr 29th 2010
     
    shadowdog, the brothers who posted yesterday speak the truth...our God is mighty indeed, and no situation is to grave for His merciful hand!

    Continue walking the path that God has shown you, seeking to become more like Christ...even if you don't see any results. Work with your counselor, pastor, and/or godly brothers to allow the fire of your current circumstances to mold you into a more godly man, husband, father. It is our hope and prayer that your wife will see the change in you and that will rekindle the embers of love in her. But even if it doesnt, stay the course!

    Love your wife with Christ's "agape" selfless love. You can't do this alone...ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with agape. If your wife says something hurtful, forgive and respond in love. When she pulls farther away, forgive and respond in love. See "How to Save Your Marriage Alone" by Dr. Ed Wheat (available from christianbook.com). Use the "Love Dare" that daddy_buse recommended above.

    In the spiritual realm, unresolved hurt is one of the openings that satanic forces use to establish control in a person's life. Unforgiveness and bitterness creates a toehold for the devil, which becomes a foothold, which becomes a stronghold. That stronghold becomes actual spiritual "real estate" which legally belongs to the devil. However, as long as Linda is your wife, you are her spiritual head, and you have the authority in Christ to cast down those strongholds. Pray daily against any strongholds that the forces of evil have established in her heart. Ask God to reveal any specific spirits that you should pray against. This is a form of demonic oppression. Remember that in one case of demonic possession (a different situation, but a parallel exists) Jesus said "this kind only comes out by prayer and fasting." Those are your weapons...use them! Pray Scripture over your wife, quoting God's promises back to Him, and using the sword of God's Word to curse the devil.

    Before you can do the above, work with the Holy Spirit and a godly mentor (perhaps your counselor) to root out any pattern of secret or known sin that is in your life. Your spiritual authority is seriously undermined if you are habitually following a sinful course. Not making accusations...just some cautionary thoughts based on what was true in my life.

    Hope this helps I know what it feels like to walk down a dark tunnel that seems endless. Don't forget that you are in the arms of a loving Father, and that your brothers are walking with you...many of us have walked that tunnel before! We pray for a complete and total restoration of your marriage and healing of your family. Remember that whatever the future holds, God promises to use it for your good...if you let Him!
  49.  
    Shadowdog, I have been praying for you and your family as I have followed this thread.

    In reading your last post, two lines jumped out at me.
    1 - I feel a ton of pressure relationally and financially. We are in debt up to our ears. (and)
    2 - She told me that I need to figure out how to make her feel cared for and loved, but said I have to figure it out on my own.

    Several years ago, my wife and I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University course and one of the things I learned from that class is how a wife (especially my wife) looks at Financial Security - not from a materialistic way, but just knowing that she (and her kids) will have a roof over their head and food in their bellies...the peace that they draw from that knowledge goes far.

    My idea for you, is to prayerfully consider how you can eliminate the debt from your life, to make a plan and communicate it to your wife. Letting her know that you are planning for your (plural) future together might just be a step in showing her that you love and care for her.

    Now Dave Ramsey's advice would be to attack your debt with gazelle like intensity. That is to say, for the slowest gazelle to survive on the African plain, he just has to be faster than the fastest lion. Dave's FPU course spells out how to eliminate debt, is likely offered at a church in your area, and while it is about $100 it is a great investment in your future together (and if the $100 is out of reach, I've been successful in obtaining scholarships for others in financial straits).

    My 2-cents and a prayer is all I have to offer.
  50.  
    Shadowdog,

    I just posted a link in the Thou Shalt Divorce or NOT thread that I believe would be an encouragement to you and help in this road ahead. I'm praying for you! Keep God first in your life and strive to win your wife back. You can do it, with God's help. :)

    Here's the link in case the other thread gets buried with new posts:

    http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/past_programs.php?m=5&y=2010

    Series is called Affirmations of the True Woman Manifesto--Part 2

    Take the opportunity to listen to May 10th - May 17th

1 to 50 of 68

  1. <
  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. >