Hi blsdw8,

First know that you are not alone in your guilt, we all have had times where we can not see past our sin and understand the grace that God has given to us, it's great to see you here posting and asking for God's wisdom on this matter, I hope that we can give you some of that.

We have a hard time forgiving ourselves because we believe that there is something that we must do in order to make up for what we have done or erase the sin and with pornography there is nothing we can do but accept forgiveness and the grace of our partner's and the help of our mates and renew our minds, so that the filth and the darkness that accompanied the sin will then wither away and our minds will be transformed and the guilt lifted. I have three steps for you to try for the next month, if you do this, I can promise that you and your wife will draw closer to each-other and you and God will be closer then ever before and maybe then you will find His strength enough to get you past this sin and your guilt.

Step 1: Do not be anxious about your guilt, but everyday, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, ask God to take away the guilt and replace it with his peace and a deeper love and understanding for your wife. Read Philippians: 4:4-7

Step 2: Change your thoughts, instead on always thinking about what you have done, think about what Christ has done for you, instead of dwelling on the sin that you committed against your wife, think on all the years you now have to spend loving her and your kid's without it, think about what it says to your wife that she was willing to forgive you and love you and commit to working through this with you, but you won't let yourself get past it for her, because you are holding on to it and not letting it go, think of how this could change your kid's life, knowing that dad sinned and him and mom got past it and they are still happy and in love and what that could mean to them one day when they need to fight through a sin in their lives, then commit to using your mind to think only on things that are: true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. This will transform your mind and change your heart and bring you to a place where God can then fill you with peace, joy and contentment. Read Philippians 4:8

Step 3: Put it into practice everyday:

Paul writes in Philippians 4:9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I have practiced these three steps in my own life and found them to be life changing, try them out, the Bible is always a great tool for getting us back on track. God bless brother and I'll be praying for you.

P.S. Congratulations on being 500 days sober of pornography, we are all proud of that!!!

blsdw8,
The soul is made up of your mind, will, and emotions. Your "feelings" (soul) are lying to you, and we're not to be led by our feelings (soul) but by the spirit; this is our daily battle >>> to be led by the spirit and not our carnal soul nor flesh. If you will take those feelings captive, and put them under the dominion of truth, then eventually they will submit to the authority of Jesus Christ (the Truth); but this is a process and takes time. This is what the word means when it says "work out your salvation".

Whenever your feelings lie to you, or your flesh lusts for porn; take out your sword and do battle. For example, when you feel guilty, say out loud, "I was guilty of that offense, but I am forgiven bcs the blood of Jesus." It's all about what Jesus did, not what you did.