2 things we use.

We have a family vision. We also have family rules. Each rule is linked to a Bible verse so that when it is broken we can bring it back to the word.

The family vision is to glorify God and become more like His son Jesus.

Hi gleezda,

We found these a while back and customized them to work with our family, we read them once a week during devotional time.

“Whatever you do to these, the least of My brothers, you do unto Me.” (Matthew 25:40)


1. Honesty and integrity are at the very heart of God’s people. Stealing, lying, destroying property or cheating in any form affects us all, and will not be tolerated.

2. People who are different from us, is one of our most precious gifts. We will work always toward an appreciation of the richness that a diverse body of people brings to our lives.

3. Problems with relationships will inevitably occur. We trust that all members of our family will work to resolve their conflicts in a just and peaceful manner. In the event that these encounters are unsuccessful, intervention and assistance by mom and dad will be readily accessible.

4. We are all people of God. Hurtful behaviors such as name-calling, ridicule, bullying, mean spirited teasing and making others feel excluded have no part in our dealings with others and are never acceptable.

5. God has given us intelligence in various forms along with so many other gifts as well. We will use those gifts to the best of our ability. We will accept the challenge to be the best that we can be.

6. Competition is a valued part of our family. We will encourage a healthy balance between competition and cooperation in family life, academics, sports and other activities. We will always seek to be supportive of each-other and our situations

7. What we believe of ourselves affects our relationships with others. Therefore, it is important that our self respect be established and fostered.

Here are the rules. This is my old list without the scriptures. We have to look them up each time we use them. I don't have the new version written out yet with the scripture references.

1. Obey all rules (Andy Griffith fans will know this one)
2. No Writing on the walls (another reference to a Barney-ism)
3. No fighting, hitting, kicking, pinching, shoving, biting. or spitting.
4. No running
5. No jumping on the furniture
6. Take turns
7. Share
8. No screaming...Use inside voices
9. No T.V. or videos on the Lord's day
10. Help with household chores
11. Do not interrupt each other
12. Take care of your body: eat well, excercises, get enough sleep, keep clean
13. Speak and act towards each other with love and respect.
14. Obey parents
15. Be slow to speak, slow to become angry, quick to listen, and quick to forgive.
16. Above all, we will remember to honor and love God with all of our hearts.

These are posted prominently. When broken the offender is referred to the rule they broke and disciplined.

The new version will be shorter by combining some that are similar. It will add the scripture references and also will include lying. I am thinking of patterning them after the 10 commandments in that each commandment that is relevant (I am hoping we won't need to discuss murder and adultery at this point) will have some of its derivatives listed.

No problem.

I am leaning toward using the scripture primarily and moving away from the rules except for some specific things that are not in scripture (like making their bed every day - that is not in their other than the "obey your parents" verse). That way I can expect them to memorize the scripture and hide it in their hearts. This kind of lesson can last them a lifetime. I don't want them to waste energy memorizing my words. I want them to focus on memorizing God's word.

I'm bringing this one back up as I mentioned I would in a previous post.

We have a lot of neat ideas/comments/suggestions here already, from values to rules.

What is too many? God gave us 10 commandments, Jesus boiled them down to 2 - love God, love others and all the law and the prophets are of these. 1st 4 commandments deal with loving God, the 2nd 6 deal with loving others.

What do we need for our families?

Do we go with values or rules? Do we create two lists for this? I think there is a difference myself. Others thoughts......

To what has been already written above, may I add..

End every conversation and every day with "I Love You."

Face it guys, one day we won't get to speak to our loved ones anymore, either they will pass or we will. What are the last words you want them to hear from you?

Anyway, just bringing it up for further discussion. I think it'd be neat if we came up with something and our esteemed leader Todd could have them done in a plaque or something and they could be 'The Familyman's Family Values" and 'The Familyman's Family Rules." That'd be neat.

Lord Bless All...

Great idea. Here is the list of our family values, which are a modification of the family values of Pastor James MacDonald of the Walk In The Word radio program:

Love God
Love others
Be kind
Tell the truth
Work hard
Have fun
Best vs Good
Glorify God and enjoy Him forever

I also have many Bible references for all of these values, because these are really just right out of the Bible. Since I printed out and framed our values, I have come up with one more: Do right.

My only suggestion is that you can back it up solidly with scripture, and keep them short.

rkramps:

A good reminder about the dangers of legalism, thanks!

One of the best things about these codes of conduct we are considering for our families is that they (and we) get to experience grace and mercy and love as none of us will keep the code! It's a wonderful example of our inability to live perfect, whole lives.

I fully expect that as members of the family do NOT keep to the "rules", they will be forgiven, loved, and gently steered back to how we ought to treat each other.

I look forward to more ideas coming in.

We have the following for a family "code of conduct" in our family. We call them House Challenges as they can be a challenge to follow all the time. :)

house challenges
1. treat others nicely and with respect
2. pick up after yourself as you go
3. serve others cheefully
4. to solve a problem, first pray then talk
5. do not touch others' property without permission

We also have the following acronym to help the provide an a "who we are".

Believe
Obey
Work
Service
Excellence
Respect

We have three rules (see below). They are meant to be positive (vs. saying "don't" all the time), and I've found they encompass any issue that comes up. I've put a small explanation of what each means.

1. Just ask (God loves you and your parents do too, so approaching me with this in mind will get you what you're looking for much sooner. I might say no, but you'll hear yes more often when you just ask.)
2. Be kind (God loves others too, and wants us to treat each other just like He would.)
3. Obey quickly (This is how you can show God and us that you love us and believe that we love you and are only asking of you what will be the best for you and our family.)

Our family's 'code of conduct' has been...

Be Kind & Have Fun

Our children are 6 (son) and 4 (daughter) - I believe anything, especially for younger children and even for older children like myself (35), can be filtered through these two principles (call it Russ' translation of Gal 5:22-23). When addressing conduct or reaffirming "What Our Family Does," we emphasize both the giver and the receiver of the conduct when we reference the statement, and we also have ample opportunity to quote what God's scripture says depending upon each situation.

I am inspired by Todd's "Popeye" analogy and all these great comments from fellow da' Dads to potentially add to our 'Conduct Statement' - maybe it will be an additional "Thou Shalt Not" statement (like the 10 Commandments) providing an appropriate boundary in addition to the positive "lense" of Fun & Kindness. Also, Any thoughts? As I am editing my comments, I am reminded that we have grown into a talking back phase which could justify a "Don't Talk Back" entry. Or, maybe another "encouraging" line should be added to our family: "Please Ask; Obey First-time" (from DJS' comments which I like alot). Maybe both.
RC

Here is ours...

The 21 Rules of This House

We obey God.
We love, honor and pray for one another.
We tell the truth.
We consider one another's interests ahead of our own.
We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.
When someone needs correction, we correct him in love.
When someone is sorry, we forgive him.
When someone is sad, we comfort him.
When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.
When we have something nice to share, we share it.
When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
We take good care of everything that God has given us.
We do not create unnecessary work for others.
When we open something, we close it.
When we take something out, we put it away.
When we turn something on, we turn it off.
When we make a mess, we clean it up.
When we do not know what to do, we ask.
When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.
When we disobey or forget any of the 21 Rules of This House, we accept the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

A friend of mine recently forwarded me the Familyman's quest for a family code of conduct. We have five children, ages 4 to 15. We've probably had rules for everything at one time or another. Some really seemed to stick and make an impression. Beginning when our oldest was old enough to be out of the shopping cart, we instituted the "rules for the store" which the children would repeat before each new shopping experience:
1. No running
2. No screaming
3. No touching
4. No asking for things
5. Stay with Mommy & Daddy!

If I had a dollar for every time I've said or heard the following "how to obey" mantra, I'd be a Rich Dad:
Q: How do you need to obey?
A: Right away, the first time, with a happy attitude.

But my favorite of all, is the list of "rules" the kids made for themselves just so they could all get along during their "secret fort meetings." This is also the reason my friend thought of me when he saw the "code of conduct" solicitation. My wife sent me a copy of the kids' rules when I was serving in Iraq. I got a kick out of them and passed them around the office and e-mailed them to my entire address book. The rules started popping up in cubicles and conference rooms. I eventually decided to publish a book (Fort Rules: A Guide to Getting Along, released June 09) applying the kid's rules to grown-up relationships.

I'm not tech-savvy enough to post the pdf version of the rules (which incidentally was signed by all the kids who played in the fort, or at least the ones old enough to write), but here they are:
#1 Obey Leader at All Times
#2 No Bossing Higher Positions
#3 No Pestering or Threatening
#4 No Throwing Objects
#5 Stay in Seats at All Times During a Meeting
#6 No Destroying Fort Property
#7 No Shouting During a Meeting
#8 Do Not Run Off Without Permission
#9 Do Not Be Rude, Talk Back, or Say Bad Words
#10 Behave at All Times

In accordance with the "terms of use" for this site, the rules are copyrighted by me, but feel free to adapt them for personal use in your families. If anyone in this audience would like to see the rules in their original format, send an e-mail request to richard@fortrules.com, subject line: PDF Request.